To you, A-Ling. It's enough to you. But before he died, your father had dreams too. I wasn't there, but I'm sure after you were born they all included you.
[ he sounds frustrated, as jiang cheng often does, the tone of voice where jin ling knows if they were standing in a room together, his uncle would have him by the shoulders for his full attention. ]
You're our blood. Nothing can change that. Not this place, not time, not anything you could do or say or be, not even death.
All that can ever happen is put things off for a while.
[ He stops to take a breath, swallowing hard as he looks up and away from the camera. ]
...look, A-Ling.
I'm still waiting to see my parents again. It's probably going to be a long time for me.
...so please. Try for your father, okay? And forgive him for having to learn for you.
stubbornly text, mostly because he's been crying and you don't need to see that thanks
...I guess we're talking about different kinds of trying.
[ he sighs, mopping a hand over his face. he's too young for this. he's too young to be trying to give this advice, too young not to have his own parents to turn to, too young to be navigating this on his own, without any of the people he thought he'd have by his side. ]
I know you're afraid of being hurt, A-Ling, but stop acting like your connection to us is somehow less real because of our circumstances. Be patient with us when we make mistakes.
he visibly flinches, switches the video feed off. ]
...I lost him, Jin Ling. Wei Wuxian. For three months, during war. After I lost my parents, my whole sect. I lost him.
Maybe... Maybe it would've been hard. If I'd gotten him back but didn't.
If we had to start over again.
But there were times in those three months I would've died for the chance just to hear his voice. Or my dad's. Or my mom's.
It's not great, I get that. It's not what you hoped.
But it's not nothing. And with Jin Zixuan, we know it's more than you ever thought you'd have. I may not remeber raising you, A-Ling, but I don't need to to know not a day went by you didn't dream of your parents coming back into your life by whatever means, at whatever cost.
[ he doesn't need to because that, too, he saw in wei wuxian. ]
i know it's not nothing none of you no one gets it
the only thing i ever hoped for here was getting to see them
this isn't about him not living up to my expectations or whatever
but i wanted to make my own impression on him
i'm not a child and i'm not some cut out of a son that he can just figure out the key to
i'm never going to push him away i'm not stupid who knows how long he's here or i'm here
it just its a lot and i just get really mad and the last thing i want is him telling me my behaviour is bad that i've been dishonouring him this whole time
i shouldn't have said anything at all but i was too mad
[ did he just make an ongoing time commitment with jin ling just to be petty at the lans? you bet your ass. ...but also he wants to spend more time with his nephew and it would be nice to have a little more structure to his days. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
consignation) wrote2019-12-14 12:01 pm
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You can't--
You know what you did!! Are you going to tell me that you aren't close enough to him to get him to stop??
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We
[ IT WAS ONE TIME JIN LING which you immediately made awkward it's NOT LIKE WE'RE MARRIED
yet]He's just trying to be a better father for you. He's under a lot of pressure, A-Ling.
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he's alive
that's more than enough
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To you, A-Ling. It's enough to you.
But before he died, your father had dreams too.
I wasn't there, but I'm sure after you were born they all included you.
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he hasn't even married my mother
he doesn't even want to
whatever dreams my father had, he hasn't had them yet
why force something we were never supposed to get in the first place
he could just talk to me
switching to video
[ he sounds frustrated, as jiang cheng often does, the tone of voice where jin ling knows if they were standing in a room together, his uncle would have him by the shoulders for his full attention. ]
You're our blood. Nothing can change that. Not this place, not time, not anything you could do or say or be, not even death.
All that can ever happen is put things off for a while.
[ He stops to take a breath, swallowing hard as he looks up and away from the camera. ]
...look, A-Ling.
I'm still waiting to see my parents again. It's probably going to be a long time for me.
...so please. Try for your father, okay? And forgive him for having to learn for you.
stubbornly text, mostly because he's been crying and you don't need to see that thanks
i don't know why he thought he needed to do this or
thought he needed to learn or
it's enough!! it's already enough
why can't i just be around him why does he have to start disciplining me already too
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[ he sighs, mopping a hand over his face. he's too young for this. he's too young to be trying to give this advice, too young not to have his own parents to turn to, too young to be navigating this on his own, without any of the people he thought he'd have by his side. ]
I know you're afraid of being hurt, A-Ling, but stop acting like your connection to us is somehow less real because of our circumstances. Be patient with us when we make mistakes.
And.
Stop running away.
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i've known you my whole life
i don't get to start fresh like you do and i don't even want to
it's nothing about patience
you aren't getting it
[ He misses you, Jiang Cheng. He misses you so much sometimes it hurts to breathe, and yet you're right there, too.
He doesn't answer the part about running away. Better not to answer than to lie.
Maybe he is picking up something from the Lans. ]back to text
he visibly flinches, switches the video feed off. ]
...I lost him, Jin Ling. Wei Wuxian. For three months, during war. After I lost my parents, my whole sect. I lost him.
Maybe... Maybe it would've been hard. If I'd gotten him back but didn't.
If we had to start over again.
But there were times in those three months I would've died for the chance just to hear his voice. Or my dad's. Or my mom's.
It's not great, I get that. It's not what you hoped.
But it's not nothing. And with Jin Zixuan, we know it's more than you ever thought you'd have. I may not remeber raising you, A-Ling, but I don't need to to know not a day went by you didn't dream of your parents coming back into your life by whatever means, at whatever cost.
[ he doesn't need to because that, too, he saw in wei wuxian. ]
no subject
none of you
no one gets it
the only thing i ever hoped for here was getting to see them
this isn't about him not
living up to my expectations or
whatever
but i wanted to
make my own impression on him
i'm not a child and i'm not some
cut out of a son that he can just
figure out the key to
i'm never going to push him away i'm not stupid
who knows how long he's here
or i'm here
it just
its a lot and
i just get really mad and the last thing i want is him telling me my behaviour is bad
that i've been dishonouring him this whole time
i shouldn't have said anything at all but i was too mad
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Be patient with yourself.
And be patient with me, A-Ling.
I know I'm not him.
I know.
You know where to find me.
[ he's tired, but.
at least this feels a little more like home.
just someone else he'll never be enough for.
someone else for which he'll never quite live up to expectations.
jiang cheng, jiang wanyin, is home. ]
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don't DO that
you ARE you
you just don't remember
if you weren't you it would be easier!!
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walk fairy with me tomorrow.
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Do you want to get something to eat?
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You can meet me in the park there, after.
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[ ignore him he's just real salty about lans ]
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If you’re going to run daily training instead obviously I’d be there
But he offered, how was I supposed to say no?
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[ did he just make an ongoing time commitment with jin ling just to be petty at the lans? you bet your ass. ...but also he wants to spend more time with his nephew and it would be nice to have a little more structure to his days. ]
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I’ll be there.