consignation | eastbound inbox

Ah-Cheng, when were you going to tell me what you and Lan Zhan got up to when I was... anyway! I had no idea you were so passionate! No, I did know, just didn't suspect the extent of your passions or what nights they'd sweep you into come spring!

( yeah he's. trying to figure out if lan zhan was giving him guff or if his bro and his now-husband-apparently-secretly-then-husband got around to banging wrathfully to keep themselves sane in their grief over the years??? )

[ what the FUCK is wei wuxian going on about now. are you high??? what's happened. squinting deeply, soul deep levels of squinting, he tentatively plays along as he tries to figure out what the hell is going on. ]

You're going to have to be more specific about 'when you were', because Lan Wangji and I have been through a considerable amount.

[ you know, like a war. ]

So Lan Zhan's been telling me, at length. Springtime found you both together, ah?

[ you're still not making any goddamned sense. but whatever. jiang cheng will just roll with it. ]

Yeah, sure. Springtime. There were a lot of them. You were never around.

[ dead or missing or disgraced or whatever. ]

( okay so his brother and husband basically hate each other after having used each other as comfort rough sex, is that what his brother is telling him??? he's more inclined to start believing because his brother doesn't you know. tease like this. )

You're, ah, hahaha, very well versed, I see. You're not as... willing as he is to see this as a three way event?

( what didn't he learn in yunmemg, bro )

[ jiang cheng is squinting so deeply he's starting to look like he's passed away in agony.

he has no idea what the fuck is going on but what he does know is he's not about to be one-upped by lan wangji at anything, especially when it comes to his brother. ]

When am I less willing than Lan Wangji at anything? He's the one with ten miles of precepts.

To hold back twenty li of intentions, surely you know that? Even better than I do?

( he... is fairly sure his brother would have to if they'd been getting intimate over the years?!?! )

[ maybe they don't do the pillow talk, wei wuxian. ever think of that?? ]

What is it I'm supposed to be willing about?

( they don't either!!! ... because lan zhan is asleep by the time wei wuxian goes to bed, and wei wuxian is asleep when lan zhan wakes up. so. )

Springtime, apparently?

[ today we are learning that from everyone but lan wangji's perspective, his relationship with jiang cheng and wei wuxian is the same. ]

Is it ... not yet apparent that I need you to be a little more specific?

... You did read the books Nie-gongzi brought with him to Gusu, didn't you? I know you did, I saw you!

( this here is the heart of his confusion. YOU'VE READ PORN, YOU KNOW THERE'S POETIC PHRASING??? )

Wei Wuxian.

[ jiang cheng's voice is completely flat by now, the 'i've reached the bottom of the barrel of my very limited patience' deadpan. ]

I don't know how to adequately express this to you, but our Gusu years are much more recent to you than me.

[ he has no idea what fucking books, my man. he's rebuilt a sect and raised a teenager in that time. his ability to keep nie huaisang's bullshit in his memory is nil. especially not with nie huaisang creating new and equally vapidly new bullshit every other day in his sect leader life. ]

Edited 2023-02-07 21:34 (UTC)

... I'm starting to think you never read porn in your life, even when I sat there seeing you actually reading porn. Should Xunxian loan you some of his novels? I haven't read them, but I've been assured to their subject material, I'm sure he has access to a few?

( he knows you made yourself hopeless in 'love' but that wasn't a surprise, he's just surprised at the lack of imagination??? )